God Bless America

LINCOLN, Neb. - The mystery of one response to a lawsuit against God has been solved. Eric Perkins, an attorney in Corpus Christi, Texas, said Friday he filed a response to the lawsuit from Nebraska State Sen. Ernie Chambers. "It's kind of a turn on 'What would Jesus do?'" Perkins said. "I thought to myself, "What would God say?"

"Defendant denies that this or any court has jurisdiction ... over Him any more than the court has jurisdiction over the wind or rain, sunlight or darkness," according to Perkins' response.

As for Chambers' contention that God made terroristic threats, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization," Perkins wrote that God "contends that any harm or injury suffered is a direct and proximate result of mankind ignoring obvious warnings."

Perkins, who said he is a Christian, faxed one of at least two responses to Chambers' lawsuit. He said while he hopes the lawsuit was just a stunt by Chambers, "maybe his timing has something to do with world affairs. I'd hate to be that person who sat back and did nothing."

The problem of serving God a summons could land the lawsuit in the earthly scrap heap of failed legal actions.

But whether the issue goes before a judge may largely depend on how hard Chambers pushes the issue. The senator isn't asking that notice be served to God, but says in his lawsuit that if he doesn't get a summary judgment in the case, he wants a hearing — "if the court deems such a hearing not to be a futile act."

Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic, said he's trying to make the point that anybody can sue anybody. He said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous.

It's still not clear where a second response from "God" came from. There was no contact information on the filing, which turned up on the counter at the Douglas County Court office, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness.

Attempts to reach Chambers by phone were unsuccessful.

© 2007 The Associated Press.

I Heart Pirates

First, thanks to all who help me simma downah.

In keeping with the vibe, here's one of my favoritest jokes.

Once upon a time there was a pirate ship with a noble captain. One day as they were sailing they were attacked by a rival gang of pirates. The captain called to his first-mate "Go, quickly, fetch me my red shirt!"

The first mate did so. Donning his red shirt, the Captain fought valiantly; so bravely in fact, that he inspired his men. Even though they were outnumbered, they drove the assaulting pirates away.

A few days past, the lookout shouted: "Captain, there are three pirate ships on the horizon!". The Captain quickly evaluated the situation, then ordered his first-mate, again "quickly! Fetch my red shirt!" Again, after a heroic battle, the pirates were defeated and they continued sailing.

Another week went by, when without warning, the lookout spotted six ships on the horizon. "Captain!", he said, "there are six pirate ships approaching!". The Captain again instructed his first-mate to fetch his red shirt. And again, victory was quickly theirs.

As the men sat later and drank to their victory, the first mate pulled the captain aside and very discretely asked him, "Captain; when you saw we were being attacked, why did you call for your red shirt?"

The captain smiled and replied, "Well, you see; if I am wearing a red shirt the men cannot see if I am injured and I can continue to lead them with confidence."

The first mate was proud to have such a brave captain.

Many days past, the lookout spotted twelve warships approaching. "Captain! We are surrounded! I see twelve pirate ships approaching!"

The first mate looked to the captain, "Sir, shall I get your red shirt?"

"Not my red shirt! Get my brown pants!"

Stress

Anyone else feeling this? What is up?